Veronica Mendes

Veronica Mendes
Welcome to my Blog

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Reciprocation

I want to extend a heartfelt apology to all the incredible individuals who have been actively engaging with my social media posts. Your unwavering support and loyalty haven't gone unnoticed, and I'm truly grateful for every like, comment, and share. However, I've come to realize that I haven't been reciprocating the attention and interaction you deserve. I try to like or love every comment, but I know that is just not the same as writing a few words in response to you.

Life's demands and unforeseen challenges sometimes lead me to inadvertently neglect this vital aspect of our online connection. I understand the importance of acknowledging your contributions and fostering a sense of community. I value each one of you, and I'm genuinely sorry for not being as responsive as I should be.

Moving forward, I'm committed to making a positive change. I recognize the significance of our digital community and the relationships we've built. I want to assure you that I will strive to be more present, responsive, and appreciative of the support you consistently extend. Your involvement adds immense value to the content I share, and I want to ensure that our interactions remain meaningful.

Thank you for your understanding and patience. Your dedication means everything to me, and I'm eager to enhance our online connection by being more actively engaged. Here's to fostering a stronger and more interactive community together.


 

Wednesday, August 30, 2023

The Ecstasy of Escapism

Crossdressing, a captivating journey into self-expression, offers an exhilarating and ecstatic escape from the confines of conventional identity. Stepping into a different gender's attire, one dives into a realm of newfound understanding and empowerment. The rustle of fabric against the skin becomes a symphony of liberation, a celebration of authenticity.

In the act of crossdressing, there's an electric thrill that surges through the soul. It's a dance with duality, a fusion of the familiar and the unexplored. The mirror becomes a portal to another facet of oneself, a secret garden of exploration. Adorned in garments traditionally outside one's gender, confidence blossoms like a wildflower, untouched by societal norms.

The exhilaration lies in the unveiling of hidden layers, a revelation that boundaries are self-imposed. Crossdressing is a declaration of ownership over one's body and its adornments, a proclamation that identity can't be contained within lines drawn by others.

In those moments, adrenaline courses through veins, heartbeats quicken, and a radiant smile blooms. The thrill of crossing the threshold of societal expectations opens the door to a world where the only limitations are the edges of imagination. Crossdressing, like a daring leap into the unknown, beckons with the promise of self-discovery, freedom, and an intoxicating exhilaration that defies definition.


 

Wednesday, May 24, 2023

The Red Pill vs Blue Pill Dilemma

The Red Pill vs Blue Pill Dilemma


I have been recently asked by a friend, "If you could choose to always dress as a woman and just live your life that way and not suffer any consequences or to remain a crossdresser which would you choose?"  Well, if this isn't a prime example of the Red/Blue pill choice faced by many a crossdresser, then I don't know what is.


My response to her was that it's not a simple answer and that I'd have to develop my response and post it to my blog because the answer to that question has been somewhat fluid over the years, and the reason for the varying levels of fluidity stems from my generational status as a member of Generation-X.  I grew up in the pre-Internet era when information did just that, it informed us of something that has happened or has been discovered and that was it.  We were still left to map out our own unique paths based on the thrill of discovery.  Today, information from the Internet and social media drives and shapes the lives, perceptions and attitudes of our younger generation from a very young age by way of influence that can only be likened to peer pressure on steroids.  Seemingly gone are the days where our lives are cultivated by our parents and family in the home.  The Internet is raising our young.

Because of this, I and many others in my generation, had very little in terms of concrete guidance or samples of comparison when it came to our gender identity.  As a child, I knew I had a compulsion to put on pantyhose belonging to my mother or other adults living in my home and I didn't know why or what compelled me to do so. All I knew was that it made me feel good.  I often wondered if I was gay, but I never had the compulsion to interact with another male that way.  I admired the girls and women around me and of course their sense of fashion.  The difference is that instead of driving me to desire them, it drove me to desire the outfits for myself.  So being gay was out of the equation.  So then what was it that I had?  What was I?  Was I mentally ill?  Books could only offer so much and were limited to cases of transsexualism, as it was called in the 80's.  So I began to wonder if that was me.  Was I born in the wrong body?  Did I yearn to be a woman instead of a male?  I remember fantasizing about waking up as a woman or what I'd do if I got locked in a department store overnight.  Oh the fun I'd have in the pantyhose and shoe department.  

  
As you can see, I spent years wondering if I would rather be a woman.  However, as the "age of information" bloomed and exploded around us, information was now at my fingertips where I could read and learn about others like me as well as those with different outlooks regarding their gender identity.  I understand that many are not into labels, but they definitely helped me to gain a better understanding of my place.  I learned that this is not a condition or an illness.  I learned that it is far from the binary classifications of the pre-Internet era.  I came to understand the subtle differences between my desires and those of other "gals" who also grew up with varying degrees of understanding of their gender identity.   
Honestly books can be written about individual journeys and each one would be different while still depicting many similarities in life experiences.  Mine is no different.  I won't lie to you when I say that I sometimes still wonder about what my life would be as a full-time woman since I gain such joy and satisfaction from the times when I get to let Veronica out in her full glory.  However, over time, I have also come to realize that I draw the level of euphoria because of the transformation I see in the mirror and in my pictures.  As a full-time woman, that would no longer be the case.  I love the feeling of putting on a sexy dress, pantyhose, a swimsuit, heels and showing off in front of the camera then posting pics for my followers to see and enjoy along with my own enjoyment.  I don't find the 2-hour experience of putting on makeup very appealing to cover up my masculine features.  I joke that I wish I had the superpower of shapeshifting so I could just snap my fingers and instantly be sexy Veronica without all the tedious preparations.  It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I've discovered that it's the transformation that I love.  I have come to understand what my journey is.  So, to put this dilemma to rest, how about I choose the purple pill?  That would be the pill that instantly changes me into my vision of Veronica for 6 or 8 hours at a time.  Of course, I'd love to have an unlimited supply of the pills.  


Thank you for reading my next blog entry.  Luv you all.  Kisses.

xoxox
-Vero



 

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Making up for Lost Time

In my more mature years, I've been building the courage to express Veronica in more ways than ever before. I wonder how many of us have that sentiment of "why didn't I start sooner?" Now I am slowly yet surely expressing more bold choices. Why? Well maybe because they are things Veronica didn't get to do since Veronica did not have her younger years in which to express them.   I truly enjoy the comments of praise and encouragement I get on my posts.  I mean, what gal doesn't like to be compimented on her looks.  It validates the effort she takes to present herself.

To some, I may seem I'm a glutton for attention, but it's not just that.  LOL.  They give me strength and confidence in embracing Veronica as an extension of who I am and not just a hobby or figment of my imagination.  Your compliments further my own personal growth and development so I can cherish the joy of being Veronica while I still have the time, or the desire.  Veronica's time will come to an end...eventually. I hope it comes later rather than sooner, but only fate will tell.

The photo below represents a FIRST for me.  I wanted to channel Vivian Ward (a.k.a. Pretty Woman), sans the tie.  I think I came pretty close.  I posted it to my OnlyFans page first since I promised my fans first look at all my new stuff...for at least two weeks.  But...since I only have like 3 active fans, it seemed ok to let y'all see it here.  I have never, nor will I ever, post nude pornography, but as I said, my stronger self-esteem gives me the desire to at least post a strong tease.  This is one such example.  

I will admit, I've never felt so vulnerable, even if I was in an empty house with a bluetooth shutter release for my camera.  But at the same time, seeing the end result is so empowering and makes me so eager to know what you all will think about it.  You may be coming here from a link at Facebook, so I hope you'll return to the post to express your thoughts.

Have a blessed day.

xoxox

-Vero



Thursday, March 10, 2022

Like it or not, this is MY journey

I posted this rant to social media a while back and thought it would make a good entry to my blog.

_________________________________


I wonder how many will read this entire post...


I am a crossdresser.  How many of you think you know what that means? 

 

Dictionary.com defines a crossdresser as "a non-transgender person who dresses in clothing typically worn by members of a different sex."  


Merriam-Webster defines crossdressing as "The wearing of clothes designed for the opposite sex."  


Cambridge Dictionary defines a crossdresser as "a person who sometimes wears clothes usually associated with the opposite sex, as a form of self-expression; usually a heterosexual ( not gay) man who sometimes wears women's clothes, make-up, jewelry, etc."  


I am a heterosexual male who is married to an amazing woman who knows and accepts my feminine side.  I have been crossdressing since I was probably 5 years old or even earlier and I am less than a year from being a half-century old as of the date of this writing.  It has taken me much anguish, research and self-discovery to understand, accept and most importantly, embrace who and what I am.  


I have come to also learn that no two crossdressers are alike in their ideals of being a crossdresser.  I did it early on as a fetish for nylons and pantyhose and later heels; that later, thanks to the Internet, evolved into my own form of self-expression and took on a persona I named Toni Richards.  In 2013, Toni had grown as much as she could and came out of her cocoon as Veronica Mendes.  


I crossdress now because it makes me feel good.  It helps me relax and relieve life's stresses.  I go full transformation with full makeup maybe a handful of times per year to enjoy a night out with friends or to snap some nice photos for my online presence.  I dress much more often without bothering with the full makeup and that is also OK with me.  In reality, I rather dislike the hour-long process of applying makeup to hide the man in favor of the woman who is Veronica.  I actually much more enjoy the final product of seeing myself as a pretty woman in the mirror and in photos.  If I could snap my fingers and just appear all made up I'd be in heaven.  That's why I always tell my friends that my ideal super power would be shape-shifting...LOL.    


That same dislike and lack of patience in doing full makeup also sees me often just do a light foundation, lips and maybe some eye makeup, because the wonders of technology have given us the ability to digitally clean up our photos.  


Yes, I am admitting to digitally enhancing some of my photos to varying extents.  I know what some of you are thinking right about now, so save it. Your criticisms won't change will only bea waste of time.  Don't profess to deny that all celebrities have their pictures digitally enhanced for print publications.  I am a man with manly features and blemishes and those are extremely difficult to hide with less than professional makeup skills, so to make me feel even better, the technological world of software development has given us a plethora of choices.  If there was not a huge demand for such actions, why then are there countless applications for computers and mobile apps for such tasks?  The millenials call them filters.


I don't always have the time or inclination to do full makeup when I wish to flaunt a new outfit and take pics, so what is wrong with me taking a picture of myself all made up from a past photo shoot and overlaying it on top of my own picture?  That is not deceiving. I am not professing to be what I am not, it's my own face on my own photo.  If I do have a deceiving photo, I am always upfront about it by hash-tagging it (another millennial term) with my #VirtualVeronica tag.  I do these photos, like many others also do, to satisfy my own "what if..." feelings.  It's my own digital fantasy. What's wrong with that?  Again, it makes me feel good and gives me inspiration and goals to aspire towards.


In my digital travels through cyberspace, I have been witness, and also victim, to many "trans" women who dismiss my efforts and demand that I just be "the real me" in my pics.  Well, let's see about that for a minute, shall we?  Be the "real me," you say?  Well, "the real me" is a 49-year old, slightly overweight Latino, heterosexual male with a wife, two children, one with special needs, a full time job, a second job helping the wife with her home-based business and all the related stresses of everyday life.  Please believe and, try to understand, that I crossdress, and even help out my image, digitally when needed, so that I can be far far away from "the real me."  I wish to be someone else other than "the real me." That is why I crossdress the way I do.


Every crossdresser, transvestite, transgender, gender-fluid, and countless other social labels has their own unique journey and nobody has the right to dismiss, breakdown, insult, criticize or demand they do it differently just because their journey does not align with their own ideals.  That's just shallow, sanctimonious and hypocritical.  You may not agree with somebody's form of expression, but we are all unique individuals and have a right to our own self-expression.


My final point on this rant is for a few others out there, you know who you are.  I am a crossdresser.  Being a crossdresser does not make me a pervert and I am not a crossdresser because I want to be performative.  A pervert is not a pervert because he is a crossdresser.  It is incredibly hypocritical of some to make blanket statement like "all CDs are just sex-crazed perverts" or similar remarks.  Please have some tact and be mindful of your words.


Thank you all for letting me vent.  I'll stop now.  My bitchiness has subsided thanks to writing all this down.  Have a blessed day.  Much love...Vero.

Monday, May 17, 2021

A Perpetual Puzzle

 


Have you ever built a jigsaw puzzle?  What was the biggest one you did?  You look at those hundreds, or thousands, of tiny little odd-shaped pieces.  Then you put them together in just the right order and take a step back to reveal "the big picture".  

I'm approaching an age milestone of 50 in a couple of months and I feel compelled to look back at the pieces of the puzzle of my life and determine if I like my "big picture".  

Am I happy with the current end result?  Could I have done it better?  What's missing?  

If my wisdom and experiences have taught me anything, it's that time travel doesn't exist and getting caught up in would-have, could-have and should-have scenarios will yield me absolute nothing but regret.  

The pieces that make our lives are all different. Every decision we make created another piece of the puzzle. Some are smoothe, some are not so smoothe and others are downright jagged.  Yet they all fit together somehow.  We are the product of our puzzle pieces, both the good and the bad. They are what make us the unique individuals we are.

I thought about sharing some of my puzzle pieces with the digital world as a form of my memoirs.  I hope you like it and will come back to read about my next pieces as I write about them.

_____________________________________________


The seed from which Veronica sprouted from was planted by none other than my mother when i was as young as two years old.  She made it known that she really wanted a daughter, but she got me instead.

That didn't stop her from growing out my hair, as was common in the 70's, and even dressing me in clothing meant for girls as a toddler because she thought I looked so cute.  Later, she put me in thick opaque tights under my pants so "I would not be cold" well into my first years in school.  I didn't think anything of it. After all, I was only five years old and she was my loving mom who would not do anything to hurt me, her son.

After kindergarten, the tights and long hair were gone, but the seed had been planted.  Of course I could not have known it then.  All I knew is that I was inexplicably drawn to my mom's strappy flat sandals and Mary Jane flats.  I just could not stop thinking about how they would look and feel on my feet.  I knew they were meant for girls but I didn't care.  I just knew I had to try them on when she was not watching.  

I cannot fully describe the rush of feelings going thru my 7-year old mind when I put on the sandals that were several sizes too big.  The feeling of the little leather straps that tightened on the skin of my feet as I pushed off to take a step then the relaxing of the straps as I planted was like nothing I could imagine.  

Then I'd hear my mom finishing up whatever she was doing so I'd quickly, but carefully place her shoes back in the closet and sneak back to my room.  

These are my earliest memories of my journey as a crossdresser.  


To be continued...

Saturday, November 14, 2020

This global pandemic...


This is an informational landing page since FB and other sites often frown upon self-promotion.

How has this pandemic affected you?  Have you suffered a loss of household income?  What have you done to mitigate it?  

Something I can do to help my family during this difficult time is leverage my online popularity (if I have any, that is) and use it to offer a first and early look at all my new pics and EXCLUSIVE LOOKS at other premium pics before they go on widespread social media.  Some of these EXCLUSIVE pics will never go on free social media, even though nothing I post will EVER be porn or promiscuous, just classy risque.  All this in exchange for a small monetary token which is less than the cost of a Starbucks coffee per month.

You can see the whole picture above and the one that brought you here and more.  You'll get daily posts of new material weeks before FB, Flickr, Reddit or Instagram.  I'll even personalize pics for you and give you a shout-out for your birthday if you let me know ahead of time.  You get first private looks at anything bought for me from my Amazon wish list.

Click this link if you're interested in helping my cause.

https://bit.ly/38HHYgT





Thursday, November 5, 2020

I Am a Crossdresser...Hear Me Roar!!!


I am a crossdresser.  How many of you think you know what that means? 

 
Dictionary.com defines a crossdresser as "a non-transgender person who dresses in clothing typically worn by members of a different sex."  

Merriam-Webster defines crossdressing as "The wearing of clothes designed for the opposite sex."  

Cambridge Dictionary defines a crossdresser as "a person who sometimes wears clothes usually associated with the opposite sex, as a form of self-expression; usually a heterosexual (= not gay) man who sometimes wears women's clothes, make-up, jewelry, etc."  

I am a heterosexual male who is married to an amazing woman who knows and accepts my feminine side.  I have been crossdressing since I was probably 5 years old or even earlier and I am less than a year from being a half-century old as of the date of this writing.  It has taken me much anguish, research and self-discovery to understand, accept and most importantly, embrace who and what I am.  

I have come to also learn that no two crossdressers are alike in their ideals of being a crossdresser.  I did it early on as a fetish for nylons and pantyhose and later heels; that later, thanks to the Internet, evolved into my own form of self-expression and took on a persona I named Toni Richards.  In 2013, Toni had grown as much as she could and came out of her cocoon as Veronica Mendes.  

I crossdress now because it makes me feel good.  It helps me relax and relieve life's stresses.  I go full transformation with full makeup maybe a handful of times per year to enjoy a night out with friends or to snap some nice photos for my online presence.  I dress much more often without bothering with the full makeup and that is also OK with me.  In reality, I rather dislike the hour-long process of applying makeup to hide the man in favor of the woman who is Veronica.  I actually much more enjoy the final product of seeing myself as a pretty woman in the mirror and in photos.  If I could snap my fingers and just appear all made up I'd be in heaven.  That's why I always tell my friends that my ideal super power would be shape-shifting...LOL.    

That same dislike and lack of patience in doing full makeup also sees me often just do a light foundation, lips and maybe some eye makeup, because the wonders of technology have given us the ability to digitally clean up our photos.  

Yes, I am admitting to digitally enhancing some of my photos to varying extents.  I know what some of you are thinking right about now so save it and don't waste your time judging me.  Don't profess to deny that all celebrities have their pictures digitally enhanced for print publications.  I am a man with manly features and blemishes and those are extremely difficult to hide with less than professional makeup skills, so to make me feel even better, the technological world of software development has given us a plethora of choices.  If there was not a huge demand for such actions, why then are there countless applications for computers and mobile apps for such tasks?  The millenials call them filters.


I don't always have the time or inclination to do full makeup when I wish to flaunt a new outfit and take pics, so what is wrong with me taking a picture of my face with good makeup from a past photo shoot and overlaying it on top of my own picture?  That is not deceiving...it's me either way. I am not professing to be what I am not, it's my own face on my own photo.  If I do have a deceiving photo, I am always upfront about it by hash-tagging it (another millennial term) with my #VirtualVeronica tag.  I do these photos, like many others also do, to satisfy my own "what if..." feelings.  It's my own digital fantasy. Again, what's wrong with that?  It makes me feel good and gives me inspiration and goals to aspire towards.

In my digital travels through cyberspace, I have been witness, and also victim, to many "trans" women who dismiss my efforts and demand that I just be "the real me" in my pics.  Well, let's see about that for a minute, shall we?  Be the "real me," you say?  Well, "the real me" is a 49-year old, slightly overweight Latino, heterosexual male with a wife, two children, one with special needs, a full time job, a second job helping the wife with her home-based business and all the related stresses of everyday life.  Please believe and, try to understand, that I crossdress, and even help out my image, digitally when needed, so that I can be far far away from "the real me."  I wish to be someone else other than "the real me." That is why I crossdress the way I do.  It is my unique journey and my form of artistic expression and no one has the right to judge me or demand I do things in their vision or ideal.

Every crossdresser, transvestite, transgender, gender-fluid, and countless other social labels has their own unique journey and nobody has the right to dismiss, breakdown, insult, criticize or demand they do it differently just because their journey does not align with their own ideals.  That's just shallow, sanctimonious and hypocritical.  You may not agree with somebody's form of expression, but we are all unique individuals and have a right to our own self-expression.

My final point on this rant is for a few others out there, you know who you are.  I am a crossdresser.  Being a crossdresser does not make me a pervert and I am not a crossdresser because I want to be performative.  A pervert is not a pervert because he is a crossdresser.  It is incredibly hypocritical of some to make blanket statement like "all CDs are just sex-crazed perverts" or similar remarks.  Please have some tact and be mindful of your words.

Thank you all for letting me vent.  I'll stop now.  My bitchiness has subsided thanks to writing all this down.  Have a blessed day.  Much love...Vero.

Wednesday, November 4, 2020

The Ride-Up

The Ride-Up. 

There is something so exhilarating about a modest hemline.  One of my favorite feelings about dressing up in a sexy dress or skirt is what I call the "Ride-Up". It's when you have a modest-length dress or skirt that rides way up when you sit and shows off a ton of leg. It feels so sexy and lets me show off one of my top assets nicely. Your thoughts are appreciated in the comments. Have a wonderful Friday my friends.


Wednesday, May 1, 2019

The Funk: To Dress...Or Not To Dress

I am a CD, or a cross-dresser for those who thought I just called myself an outdated optical storage disc. (Yeah, I'm a tech nerd, so what?)  Anyways, having spoken to some of my sisters from the CD T-community, I know I'm not alone in what I'm going through right now.  

Life is a roller coaster and my dressing as Veronica is no different.  I have my down-times when I do not dress up for periods of time.  As a CD, we have that luxury of choosing who we want to be at any given time, whether male, female or somewhere in between.  This is by no means a shot or meant as to disrespect other sisters of the T-Community, it just is one of the many differences between the diverse corners of our amazing T-Community.  Sometimes the break can be a month or two, yet other times the drought can be a year or more.  I spent 11 months of 2017 without indulging in the joy of being Veronica.  The reasons are plenty and I'm certain they differ from sister to sister.  

I'm currently in one of those extended "funks" going on 5 months now.  I've not let Veronica out since early January.  Could it be I'm not feeling proud of the extra 10-ish pounds I'm carrying since the holidays?  Could it be my age is beginning to catch up to me and the energy and enthusiasm levels are tapering?  Could it be we have house guests for a few months with young and very curious children and it is difficult to work in V-time?  Or could it be a combination of all the above?  Who knows.  I will come out of it sooner or later and that is all I need know to keep me excited and looking forward to Veronica's next emergence, whenever it may be. 






What brings you out of your funks?  I think I found one of those ways today.  While walking through a shopping center waiting for my oil change, I came across a Payless shoe store that is closing.  I walked into the 
nearly half-empty store to look around and what did I find?  These gorgeous Christian Siriano pumps in my size and at 70% off.  Slump or no slump I was compelled to buy them and the excitement of wearing them is enough to get me excited about finally letting Veronica out again.  

I must find a way to make that happen.  I owe it to myself and to my many friends and social media followers who are so loving, friendly and supportive and are also longing for some new content from Veronica Mendes.

Well that's my thought for today.  Here's to Veronica's emergence soon.  Have a blessed day my friends.


Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Stop it already...

I inhabit the crossdresser corner of the T-community, and as many wise and educated T-sisters know, we have a different, yet equally valid and legitimate connection to the T-Community. The inclusion of so many diverse components is what makes this community so broad and yet so amazing and should be the source of strength in forging a sisterhood of acceptance and understanding, regardless of which corner of this community you inhabit.  I may be spouting a pipe dream here, but I wish the hate amongst groups within this community would subside.  I believe there should NEVER be a discussion or debate regarding who is or is not "Trans enough" to stake claim to membership in this wonderful community.  Being a T-girl is about self-discovery and self-expression, regardless of what level of discovery or expression one wishes to divulge. I am so saddened every time I come across a "TG" hating on CDs and calling them just "guys in dresses," calling us detriments to your cause or other similar flames.  Let's stop the hipocrisy.  Each one of us has our own unique and personal journey and as such, should be respected by every other one of us. Each individual journey carries with it a story of discovery, struggle, hardships, emotions, failures and triumphs.  Thus, nobody has the right to downplay anyone's journey in favor of theirs.  

Monday, June 18, 2018

The Rite of Ascension

I have been recently told, at least a few times, that I am a source of inspiration to some of my FB friends.  (And I was even complimented in person by some whom I, myself, have considered celebrities in my FB circles.) I still consider myself a star-struck fan of many others whom I look up to myself.  That said, it was incredibly flattering and I could not even describe the feeling of getting such a compliment from such beauties.  Being complimented, told I'm beautiful (in person and without any enhancement filters of the web) and even getting adult beverages bought for me tells me I have now ascended to a new level and it feels surreal.

I realize that my sense of style and presentation has evolved over the years.  What started as a secret, and deeply hidden, nylon and shoe fetish has manifested itself as what you see in the person of Veronica Mendes.  How did it happen?  Like many of my fellow t-sisters, I have had my share of idols to which I have looked up to for inspiration, education, knowledge, courage and inner strength.

To name just a few (and I hope they do not take any offense to my naming them as my mentors):
  • Tiffany Michelle Lloyd with her website Tiffany's Tower.  (How I miss the Tower)  
  • The late and great Vicky Renee and her Prettiest of the Pretty (We miss you Vicky.)
  • Dahlia Taylor
  • Nina Allison
  • Kelly Perry









And...My current besties who have all contributed in certain and unique ways to my evolution.
  • Natasha Romanoff  
  • Gina Jett
  • Jennifer Kelly
  • Bella Amri
  • Stephanie Anne Jefferies
  • Sierra Romeo
  • And a special shout out to one who has inspired me (an many others) inside as much as on the outside and whom inspired me to write this blog entry...Miss Amanda Edwards










What makes each person who influences us unique?  What is it that drives us to look up to them...to learn from them...to imitate them?  Is it their fashion style, their incredible smile, their outlook on life as a t-girl, or a signature pose?  Many of us girls would like to claim we have a signature pose (or maybe more than one.)  It is a pose that, whenever you see it somewhere, you immediately think of that person.  Miss Stephanie Anne Jefferies has a huge movement in full swing with her famed "Heel Tip Grip" pose and she has graciously named me a royal ambassador of the realm.  How honoring that is.  I have a couple of signature, go-to poses such as my "up on the counter" and my "heel on the wall" poses, but I'll write about that later.

When I took this photo (below on the left,) it didn't take me but a second to see how I had to give the honor of this pose to the beautiful, classy, and sensational Amanda Edwards, in what I perceive to be one of her signature poses, because it makes me think of her photos whenever I see it.  I have always loved cross-leg photos and have especially loved the slanted cross-leg pics, which Miss Amanda has perfected.  When I saw my photo I revisited her page for more inspiration, both from her photos and more so from her words.  She is an amazing writer and writes about her experiences from the heart. Anyone reading this would be missing out if they didn't give her a visit.  Thank you Amanda for your inspiration and I truly hope to cross paths with you sometime.




Thank you to all who have helped shape who I am and will continue to shape my future.  Luv you all.


Tuesday, June 5, 2018

The Good Hurt


I am a part time CD, which means I spend about 1% (give or take) of my life in physical Veronica form.  That is, I only dress up in feminine attire occasionally.  I should add that mentally I spend much more time thinking as Veronica; especially when I'm on my social media sites.  Often I dress in private while other, more rare times, I go all the way with full makeup and go out with friends.  I have gone weeks and months without dressing up even partially.  It's a state of mind and desire that drives my urge to dress.   I won't put a percentage number on that because it varies from day to day.  Any CD will likely relate to my words.

This said, one can probably imagine how much anticipation builds up when a girls night out is planned and approaches.  Follow that with the nervous excitement that steals your beauty sleep the night before as you think about your makeup, your outfit, your shoes and your accessories that all must be perfect for the night out.  After all, we girls are not just dressing for ourselves, we're dressing to get noticed and perhaps even get measured by our t-girl peers.

Every CD has different likes and dislikes regarding how they dress up and present their femme selves.  I have a love of stiletto heels and thus I must wear stilettos as much as possible.  To me, stilettos represent a quintessential feminine presentation.  They create beautiful lines on the calves and thighs. They force a lovely feminine posture and make you sway your hips naturally.  I thank the many YouTube videos on how to walk in heels for my improvement over the years.

The day arrives, finally, and it's time to get dolled up and party.  We check our makeup to ensure it's perfect.  We take lots of photos to see ourselves as others see us because a mirror might deceive our senses. (Thanks Cher, from Clueless.)  We love the euphoric rush as we walk down the sidewalk to the venue and revel at the clicking of our heels on the pavement.  We nearly lose it when a breeze rushes up our skirts and caresses our legs.  We spend our time enjoying the company of friends and making new friends as we walk the venue to see and get seen by others.  The fear we once had of being clocked has long since faded as we realize that we are among friends with similar likes and we no longer worry about being clocked.  We feel wonderful being in an accepting environment.

Personally, I've been growing out of my personal fear and low self-esteem thanks to my great friends Natasha, Jennifer and Bella being like my big sisters in my public experiences in the last couple of years.  Heck, I don't even bother with those incredibly uncomfortable waist-cinchers anymore.  Being in the company of such great friends has helped me to embrace myself both psychologically as well as physically.

Sadly, the night must end and it's time to return to the 99% of my regular life as a husband, father and worker.  However, the euphoria of the night lingers long after and is further extended by two things.  First, the mountain of photos and selfies we take to sort through and post on social media and second "the good hurt."  That is, the two to three days of awkward walking and the pain associated with cramped legs as a result of a 240-lb man wearing sexy 5-inch spike-heeled stilettos for 5+ hours that just had to be part of the ensemble for the night.  After all, it has been said that beauty hurts and that shoes represent the largest part of many female wardrobes.  Who agrees?

A Quest Realized

To my fellow CDs (crossdressers):


Have you ever been out and about in drab and encountered a woman wearing an outfit that was so beautiful and so alluring it mesmerized and you could not concentrate or even function well until you managed to recreate it and try it on yourself?  I'm so glad my wife knows and supports my Veronica activities because it would be impossible to explain to her why I can't stop staring at that other woman.  As you know, most guys staring at a woman is a sexual guy thing while for us gals, we just wanna be that woman and flaunt that outfit ourselves.

This is my interpretation of one such encounter.  The short flowing mini-skirt, the thigh-high stiletto boots that actually respect the curvature of my legs, the pose showing off part of the back side of the boots and a peek of my thighs, deep red lips, and the lovely flowing blouse with the cold shoulder cutouts.  Also, the cuff cut outs on the back of the boots adds another level of sexiness.


Why can't I stop staring at my own photo?




Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Who Are You?

That sounds like a loaded question, doesn't it?  However, as a crossdresser, it is important to know, accept and embrace who you are both when dressed and when not.  Your identity acceptance is as unique to you as anything else that defines you.  There is no all-encompassing label that describes "YOU" only generic labels imposed on social groups by society.  Interestingly, those very labels seem to change in meaning as often as we change our heels. 

As a crossdresser...

  • Are you closeted?  
  • Do you have one foot out?  
  • Are you fully out?  
  • Are you somewhere in between?  
  • Did you or have you considered hormones?
  • Did you or have you considered transitioning?
  • Do you or have you felt guilty about your crossdressing?
  • Have you purged your wardrobe in hopes of "curing" your crossdressing?
  • Does your spouse or significant other know about your crossdressing?
  • Do any other friends and family members know about your crossdressing?
  • Do you dress for sexual reasons?
  • Do you dress for emotional or stress release?  
  • Do you have, or have you had, fetishes? 
  • What is the fundamental reason for your desire to dress?  
  • Can you pinpoint what planted the idea of crossdressing in you?  
  • What percentage of your life are you presenting as your feminine self?  
  • Are you happy with that amount?  
  • Can you do it more?  
  • Do you spend your feminine time alone?  
  • Do you socialize or go out as your feminine self?  
  • When you are presenting female, are you mentally a woman?  
  • Do you relate, think and feel as a woman?  
  • Do you maintain some characteristics of your male counterpart?  
  • How much?  
  • If you are a heterosexual male, do you consider intimacies with a male suitor when you are dressed?  
  • Do you like to dress up classy, younger than your age, slutty, provocative, alternative or other styles?  
  • Do you bow to "expectations" of what you should wear? 
  • Are you comfortable wearing what you like and desire?

These are a lot of questions, and believe me, there are plenty more.  But...the answers to these and other personal questions ARE what defines you.  Mine is only a personal opinion, but accepting and embracing myself has given me the clarity of mind to know myself and understand where I stand in this enormous "Trans" Community.

I truly hope everyone can achieve their happiness and real acceptance of "Who you are". 
Have a blessed day and hit me up on Facebook if you would like.
www.facebook.com/veronica.mendes2013

xoxoxox

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Who did I blame...Who should I thank...and the irony of it all.


Veronica Mendes is two and a half years old.  She was born from Toni Richards, who would today be about ten years old.  However, the woman within me is 39, while I am now 44 years young.

The seed from which Veronica sprouted from is over 42 though and was planted by none other than my mother when i was as young as two years old.  She made it known that she really wanted a daughter but got me instead.

That didn't stop her from growing out my hair, as was common in the 70's, and even dressing me in clothing meant for girls as a toddler because she thought I was so cute.  Later, she put me in thick opaque tights under my pants so "I would not be cold" well into my first years in school.  I didn't think anything of it. After all, I was only five years old and she was my loving mom who would not do anything to hurt me, her son.

After kindergarten, the tights and long hair were gone, but the seed had been planted.

Fast forward a decade and a half to a young adult often tormented by guilt resulting from his love of dressing in clothing meant for members of the opposite sex.  I secretly blamed my mom for the psychological effect her actions from my tender years had on me, but dared not tell her, or anybody else, of my identity struggles.

Fast forward another decade or so.  Now the internet is in full swing and truckloads of data is at my fingertips where I come to the realization that I am NOT alone.  My story is quite common within the realm of Crossdressing.

My ultimate acceptance of who I am my embracing of it now had me secretly thanking my mother for planting that seed.  Because of my acceptance of the woman within, I have a better understanding, appreciation and love of my wife, daughters and women than most "regular" men can ever hope to have.  Who knows, I might otherwise have become a macho, controlling wife beater.

Now the irony of it all...

My mother is extremely traditional and, let me admit, old fashioned in her ways and beliefs. She, and my father, have demonstrated unsupportive behavior towards the "unconventional" such as anything related to the trans or LGBT community.  As such they would likely be devastated to find out about Veronica and perhaps disown me. Thus, I still keep this side of me secret from most of my friends and family.  Further irony is how much more explicitly I trust my online sisters with my story and issues, many of whom I've never personally met.




Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I'm Back!!!

I had all but forgotten about this blog and had not posted since before my evolution into Veronica Mendes.  My last post was written while I was still known as Toni Richards.

Now, my first post as Veronica:


Butterfly

In a cocoon I am

In a state of pronoia
Developing new colours
Evolving my capability
To emerge a different kind
To merge with nature again
© Himanshu Parikh.
~






As I reminisced on my Birthday, on the 15th of July of 2013, I suddenly felt a new name and new start was in order.  Toni Richards had grown as much as she could grow. It was time to move to the next stage in her evolution. As such, Veronica Mendes was been born. A more mature and wise manifestation of the person who was Toni Richards, but at the same time, with the same love of all things a T-girl should love. 

I'm still the same person, but with a much more broad outlook on likes and fashion, including sexy, yet elegant and age-appropriate wear.  I hope to start anew with both new and old friends alike and hope you will join in my new journey.   

So now, with all the support of this wonderful community, the artist formerly known as Toni Richards has been so happy in  the next phase of her life on Flickr, Facebook, and in the world of T-Girl-ism.  (Yeah, I just made that up)

To you, my friends, both old and new, you all give me strength and inspiration and I hope to continue to admire you and learn from all of you lovelies.

All my love,

Veronica Mendes
xoxoxoxoxox

Saturday, June 30, 2012

I am NOT confused about my gender identity anymore!!!


What draws us to want to wear clothing of the opposite sex? Now there's the Million-Dollar question!

I could not fathom having sex with another male (Eww), nor could I imagine having a surgery to remove my manhood. I can't imagine not being a husband and lover to my wife and a daddy to my two little princesses.
Yet, after a near 30+ year struggle with my identity and emotions and coming to accept who and what I am, I cannot imagine my life without the possibility of occasionally becoming Toni, either fully or in part.
I owe an incredible thank you to my T-sisters for the knowledge and inspiration I have drawn from their experiences and stories.

Just a few short years ago, "Toni" did not even exist. All I ever did was hide and partially dress up with the constant fear of being caught. Toni now occupies the part of my life that used to be only a cloud of desires, emotions, confusion and fear. I'm purposely omitting thoughts about my inner struggles between my TG issues and my Catholic faith, because that is an entirely different and MUCH larger can of worms.

Thanks to my lovely and understanding wife, my newfound strength, motivation and inspiration have allowed that aforementioned maelstrom to manifest itself and blossom into Toni. 

Toni is the face of my lifelong struggles with gender identity. I have now accepted that Toni is as much a part of me as my own limbs.  Trying to purge Toni from my life may as well be as impossible as discarding my own arms and/or legs.  I have also come to realize that I am not alone. There are others with similar, if not
identical, situations and feelings as my own.

The URGE


This is a blog entry from my former MySpace blog from a while back, but every thought and feeling still holds true today.  I was going by the name Toni Richards then.  I hope you enjoy my thoughts...
_________________________

If you've read my profile, it's no secrete that I only get to unleash Toni in her full glorious state about 2 to 3 times per year.  The rest of the time, I only partially dress when I get that "URGE" to express my feminine side.  Partially can be any level of dressing short ot shaving my face and putting on makeup and a wig. 

Lots of reasons exist for getting "The Urge." For me it could be watching a TG themed TV show or movie, viewing great pictures of my TG sisters on the Internet, or seeing an incredibly attractive woman.  As a married male who is loyal to his wife, I am limited to visual admiration for the beauty of the feminine image presented to me. 

However, the "Urge" cannot be stopped when I see a coworker, whose friendship is like a pot of gold to me, do something unusual such as wear a lovely skirt and patent stiletto heels to work.  This is something I've not seen her do in nearly two years.  So, needless to say, I was drawn to admire her lovely tanned , bare legs and her gorgeous shoes.  Also irrisitable is admiring the way she walks and crosses her legs when she sits.  It's almost unbearable to see how a skirt rises when sitting down, revealing more leg.

To most non-TG men, this would be a normal response eliciting feelings of lust and desire for sex...and as a normal heterosexual male, the same types of thoughts rush through my mind as well, but more strongly are the thoughts of how I would look in a skirt and black stilettoes. 

So upon getting home, I rush into the shower and proceed to shave my legs.  The exhileration and feeling of freshly shaved and moisturized legs is indescribable.  Then I satisfy "the Urge" by dressing in a bodysuit, knee length mini-skirt and 5-inch black stilettoes with no hose or stockings.  I just had to feel the rush of air caressing my legs and rising up my skirt as I walked around my backyard patio.  Then I sit down to feel the rise of my skirt and further rise as I cross my legs, while admiring the view in the full-length mirror in front of me. 

Of course, I completely block out everything above my waist, as this is only a partial expression of Toni.  Then the worst part of my dressing experience occurs.  Orgasm quells "The Urge" and effectively ends this dress-up session.  In retrospect, I can conclude that it was worth every moment I waited.  This shows me that even after coming out to my wife, I can still enjoy partiall dress-up sessions, in private.

It is now 2am so...Nitey Nite to all.

Hugs,
Toni

Friday, May 20, 2011

I Am Thankful...


This was my second BLOG post from May of 2007.  At the time, I was going by the name Toni Richards.
...


I was looking over my pictures and I came to the realization that Toni has come a long way in the last six months.  It was MySpace that allowed Toni to emerge and subsequently evolve.

Until I opened the MySpace account, Toni did not exist.  The part of my life that Toni now occupies did not have a name.  It was dominated by fear of getting caught wearing women's clothing and fear of the consequences that getting caught would have on my marriage and my life. 

My experience on MySpace has allowed Toni to replace those sporatic episodes of sexual release.  Toni has grown from a shy girl, refusing to show her face, to what you see here now.  But I cannot and will not take credit for her evolution thus far.  The reason Toni has been able to sprout her wings is because of my sisters in MySpace, whose stories, experiences, messages and overall beauty have been a source of inspiration. 

Just to mention a few: Melissa (Michelle) "My Precious Angel" and my first Latino Friend, Addictive Me (Jessie) whose eyes I get lost in every time I visit her site, Jen Merill ... what can I say?, Michelle Angelique a  true jewel of a GG with a heart of pure gold and a wonderful website www.GenderEvolve.com, and Tiffany Michelle whom I've admired since long before MySpace existed.

I know I'm leaving out MANY of my sisters who have contributed to Toni's evolution, but rest assured that all of you are in my heart each and every time I'm logged into MySpace.

I will continue to learn and grow with the strength provided me by my sisters in MySpace.  I hope you like what you see and hope to continue to get feedback from my friends. 

P.S.  Feel free to comment on my pix too.  I luv to read them and I'll be posting some new ones very soon.

Hugs-n-Kisses
Toni