Veronica Mendes

Veronica Mendes
Welcome to my Blog

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Who did I blame...Who should I thank...and the irony of it all.

Veronica Mendes is two and a half years old.  She was born from Toni Richards, who would today be about ten years old.  However, the woman within me is 39, while I am now 44 years young.

The seed from which Veronica sprouted from is over 42 though and was planted by none other than my mother when i was as young as two years old.  She made it known that she really wanted a daughter but got me instead.

That didn't stop her from growing out my hair, as was common in the 70's, and even dressing me in clothing meant for girls as a toddler because she thought I was so cute.  Later, she put me in thick opaque tights under my pants so "I would not be cold" well into my first years in school.  I didn't think anything of it. After all, I was only five years old and she was my loving mom who would not do anything to hurt me, her son.

After kindergarten, the tights and long hair were gone, but the seed had been planted.

Fast forward a decade and a half to a young adult often tormented by guilt resulting from his love of dressing in clothing meant for members of the opposite sex.  I secretly blamed my mom for the psychological effect her actions from my tender years had on me, but dared not tell her, or anybody else, of my identity struggles.

Fast forward another decade or so.  Now the internet is in full swing and truckloads of data is at my fingertips where I come to the realization that I am NOT alone.  My story is quite common within the realm of Crossdressing.

My ultimate acceptance of who I am my embracing of it now had me secretly thanking my mother for planting that seed.  Because of my acceptance of the woman within, I have a better understanding, appreciation and love of my wife, daughters and women than most "regular" men can ever hope to have.  Who knows, I might otherwise have become a macho, controlling wife beater.

Now the irony of it all...

My mother is extremely traditional and, let me admit, old fashioned in her ways and beliefs. She, and my father, have demonstrated unsupportive behavior towards the "unconventional" such as anything related to the trans or LGBT community.  As such they would likely be devastated to find out about Veronica and perhaps disown me. Thus, I still keep this side of me secret from most of my friends and family.  Further irony is how much more explicitly I trust my online sisters with my story and issues, many of whom I've never personally met.




Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I'm Back!!!

I had all but forgotten about this blog and had not posted since before my evolution into Veronica Mendes.  My last post was written while I was still known as Toni Richards.

Now, my first post as Veronica:


Butterfly

In a cocoon I am
In a state of pronoia
Developing new colours
Evolving my capability
To emerge a different kind
To merge with nature again
© Himanshu Parikh.



As I reminisced on my Birthday, on the 15th of July of 2013, I suddenly felt a new name and new start was in order.  Toni Richards had grown as much as she could grow. It was time to move to the next stage in her evolution. As such, Veronica Mendes was been born. A more mature and wise manifestation of the person who was Toni Richards, but at the same time, with the same love of all things a T-girl should love. 

I'm still the same person, but with a much more broad outlook on likes and fashion, including sexy, yet elegant and age-appropriate wear.  I hope to start anew with both new and old friends alike and hope you will join in my new journey.   

So now, with all the support of this wonderful community, the artist formerly known as Toni Richards has been so happy in  the next phase of her life on Flickr, Facebook, and in the world of T-Girl-ism.  (Yeah, I just made that up)

To you, my friends, both old and new, you all give me strength and inspiration and I hope to continue to admire you and learn from all of you lovelies.

All my love,

Veronica Mendes
xoxoxoxoxox

Saturday, June 30, 2012

I am NOT confused about my gender identity anymore!!!

What draws us to want to wear clothing of the opposite sex? Now there's the Million-Dollar question!

I could not fathom having sex with another male (Eww), nor could I imagine having a surgery to remove my manhood. I can't imagine not being a husband and lover to my wife and a daddy to my two little princesses.
Yet, after a near 30+ year struggle with my identity and emotions and coming to accept who and what I am, I cannot imagine my life without the possibility of occasionally becoming Toni, either fully or in part.
I owe an incredible thank you to my T-sisters for the knowledge and inspiration I have drawn from their experiences and stories.

Just a few short years ago, "Toni" did not even exist. All I ever did was hide and partially dress up with the constant fear of being caught. Toni now occupies the part of my life that used to be only a cloud of desires, emotions, confusion and fear. I'm purposely omitting thoughts about my inner struggles between my TG issues and my Catholic faith, because that is an entirely different and MUCH larger can of worms.

Thanks to my lovely and understanding wife, my newfound strength, motivation and inspiration have allowed that aforementioned maelstrom to manifest itself and blossom into Toni. 

Toni is the face of my lifelong struggles with gender identity. I have now accepted that Toni is as much a part of me as my own limbs.  Trying to purge Toni from my life may as well be as impossible as discarding my own arms and/or legs.  I have also come to realize that I am not alone. There are others with similar, if not
identical, situations and feelings as my own.

The URGE

This is a blog entry from my former MySpace blog from a while back, but every thought and feeling still holds true today.  I hope you enjoy my thoughts...
___________________________________________________________


If you've read my profile, it's no secrete that I only get to unleash Toni in her full glorious state about 2 to 3 times per year.  The rest of the time, I only partially dress when I get that "URGE" to express my feminine side.  Partially can be any level of dressing short ot shaving my face and putting on makeup and a wig. 

Lots of reasons exist for getting "The Urge." For me it could be watching a TG themed TV show or movie, viewing great pictures of my TG sisters on the Internet, or seeing an incredibly attractive woman.  As a married male who is loyal to his wife, I am limited to visual admiration for the beauty of the feminine image presented to me. 

However, the "Urge" cannot be stopped when I see a coworker, whose friendship is like a pot of gold to me, do something unusual such as wear a lovely skirt and patent stiletto heels to work.  This is something I've not seen her do in nearly two years.  So, needless to say, I was drawn to admire her lovely tanned , bare legs and her gorgeous shoes.  Also irrisitable is admiring the way she walks and crosses her legs when she sits.  It's almost unbearable to see how a skirt rises when sitting down, revealing more leg.

To most non-TG men, this would be a normal response eliciting feelings of lust and desire for sex...and as a normal heterosexual male, the same types of thoughts rush through my mind as well, but more strongly are the thoughts of how I would look in a skirt and black stilettoes. 

So upon getting home, I rush into the shower and proceed to shave my legs.  The exhileration and feeling of freshly shaved and moisturized legs is indescribable.  Then I satisfy "the Urge" by dressing in a bodysuit, knee length mini-skirt and 5-inch black stilettoes with no hose or stockings.  I just had to feel the rush of air caressing my legs and rising up my skirt as I walked around my backyard patio.  Then I sit down to feel the rise of my skirt and further rise as I cross my legs, while admiring the view in the full-length mirror in front of me. 

Of course, I completely block out everything above my waist, as this is only a partial expression of Toni.  Then the worst part of my dressing experience occurs.  Orgasm quells "The Urge" and effectively ends this dress-up session.  In retrospect, I can conclude that it was worth every moment I waited.  This shows me that even after coming out to my wife, I can still enjoy partiall dress-up sessions, in private.

It is now 2am so...Nitey Nite to all.

Hugs,
Toni

Friday, May 20, 2011

I Am Thankful...

This was my second BLOG post from May of 2007.  I had not yet discovered the wonders of Flickr as a way to get away from the incredible clutter that MySpace has become.
Current mood:cheerful
 I was looking over my pictures and I came to the realization that Toni has come a long way in the last six months.  It was MySpace that allowed Toni to emerge and subsequently evolve.

Until I opened the MySpace account, Toni did not exist.  The part of my life that Toni now occupies did not have a name.  It was dominated by fear of getting caught wearing women's clothing and fear of the consequences that getting caught would have on my marriage and my life. 

My experience on MySpace has allowed Toni to replace those sporatic episodes of sexual release.  Toni has grown from a shy girl, refusing to show her face, to what you see here now.  But I cannot and will not take credit for her evolution thus far.  The reason Toni has been able to sprout her wings is because of my sisters in MySpace, whose stories, experiences, messages and overall beauty have been a source of inspiration. 

Just to mention a few: Melissa (Michelle) "My Precious Angel" and my first Latino Friend, Addictive Me (Jessie) whose eyes I get lost in every time I visit her site, Jen Merill ... what can I say?, Michelle Angelique a  true jewel of a GG with a heart of pure gold and a wonderful website www.GenderEvolve.com, and Tiffany Michelle whom I've admired since long before MySpace existed.

I know I'm leaving out MANY of my sisters who have contributed to Toni's evolution, but rest assured that all of you are in my heart each and every time I'm logged into MySpace.

I will continue to learn and grow with the strength provided me by my sisters in MySpace.  I hope you like what you see and hope to continue to get feedback from my friends. 

P.S.  Feel free to comment on my pix too.  I luv to read them and I'll be posting some new ones very soon.

Hugs-n-Kisses
Toni

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Oh Shit, What Do I Do Now?

OK, so I'm new to this blogging thing.  I had a series of blogs at my profile on My Space, but I'm working on canceling that profile because the new My Space sucks.  Thus, I'll transfer my blog entries to this new blog and then continue on with new ones as well.  I hope to get some followers from my long list of friends and contacts at Flickr.  So if you're one of them, let me extend a most heart-felt welcome to you.  I hope you enjoy my blogs and comment on them as well.  So here is the first blog I wrote at the other site.  My wife did not yet know about Toni, so this starts off my introduction to the world with a bang.

So...on September 7th of the year 2006, I was excitedly, taking a small photo shoot of my new white Mary Jane stilettos.  My wife was out shopping for inventory for her business and I was certain to get some time alone to get enjoy my new shoes, when, suddenly, I hear a voice from downstairs.
 
Wouldn't you know it, my wife came home early and there I was fully dressed in my den.  I had on tan pantyhose layered with a pair of black fishnet tights, a lovely and velvety maroon bodysuit and my white Mary Jane stilettos.  I'd never perspired so much in such a short time, as I closed the door and nearly ripped off my clothes and threw on my pants and threw my stuff under the bed.  But where's my shirt?  My wife will be here in seconds and will see me half naked coming out of there.

I'll have to come up with a creative lie.  So I lied my ass off to her, but she wasn't buying it.  Anyways, she proceeded to believe that I had been having an affair and I was with the other woman in there.  And, since I tried to keep her from entering my den that night, she more so believed that I helped "her" sneak out of the house.

It was a painful weekend, as my wife proceeded to be the "brave wife" and tell me that she loved me and to tell her the truth and that she wouldn't be mad, etc. etc. etc.  Furthermore, she revealed that she found pictures on my computer of a great pair of legs in pantyhose and miniskirts.  As you all know, those pics are of my legs, as evidenced by my pictures section.  So she had all the evidence to bust me for being unfaithful to her and yet she was still going to be "brave" for the kids' sake. 

This was too painful to live with.  I'd have my 30-year-old secret to keep and also live a life based on an untrue event, just to keep my secret. 

On September 11th, I printed many a web page on CD FAQs and heterosexual CDs and other info to have as ammo.  I took her to a lake nearby and proceeded to come out to her.  All along as I told her how much I love her and I'm still, and always will be, the man she loves and married, I showed her the info and began to shake as she read it...

What was the result?  Do you really want to know? 
She looked up at me, hugged and kissed me deeply and said... "You're so stupid.  Is that it?  This is what you've been hiding?  And here I thought you were having an affair.  I hear about this kind of stuff all the time.  Didn't I tell you our family's restaurant in Mexico City used to host a weekly drag show. You're not doing anything bad.  In fact, I find it incredibly arousing.  Now I can have a loving husband and a lesbian lover...but I may be jealous of your alter ego...she has better legs than I do.  I'm gonna help you dress and we'll play around and then have incredible passionate sex."  (I'm not kidding...she said all this.)

So now, were even more in love than ever before.  And me...I've been in a euphoric state since then.  I can add myself to the list of CDs who can happily say they have supportive and understanding spouses. 
I'm entering a new stage in my life.  One without secrets, and I'm gonna have to get used to it.  I've lived with this secret for 30 years and now that burden is off.  With the wife's support, I may be able to finally get some more face shots worthy of Internet posting.  Stay tuned. 

It's going to be weird at first, and I reckon I'll still do some private dressing, so I can still invoke the exhilerating feeling of sexual discharge as I exhibit Toni in front of a mirror.