The Rite of Ascension

I have been recently told, at least a few times, that I am a source of inspiration to some of my FB friends.  (And I was even complimented in person by some whom I, myself, have considered celebrities in my FB circles.) I still consider myself a star-struck fan of many others whom I look up to myself.  That said, it was incredibly flattering and I could not even describe the feeling of getting such a compliment from such beauties.  Being complimented, told I'm beautiful (in person and without any enhancement filters of the web) and even getting adult beverages bought for me tells me I have now ascended to a new level and it feels surreal.

I realize that my sense of style and presentation has evolved over the years.  What started as a secret, and deeply hidden, nylon and shoe fetish has manifested itself as what you see in the person of Veronica Mendes.  How did it happen?  Like many of my fellow t-sisters, I have had my share of idols to which I have looked up to for inspiration, education, knowledge, courage and inner strength.

To name just a few (and I hope they do not take any offense to my naming them as my mentors):

• Tiffany Michelle Lloyd with her website Tiffany's Tower.  (How I miss the Tower)  
• The late and great Vicky Renee and her Prettiest of the Pretty (We miss you Vicky.)
• Dahlia Taylor
• Nina Allison
• Kelly Perry

And...My current besties who have all contributed in certain and unique ways to my evolution.

• Natasha Romanoff  
• Gina Jett
• Jennifer Kelly
• Bella Amri
• Stephanie Anne Jefferies
• Sierra Romeo
• And a special shout out to one who has inspired me (an many others) inside as much as on the outside and whom inspired me to write this blog entry...Miss Amanda Edwards

What makes each person who influences us unique?  What is it that drives us to look up to them...to learn from them...to imitate them?  Is it their fashion style, their incredible smile, their outlook on life as a t-girl, or a signature pose?  Many of us girls would like to claim we have a signature pose (or maybe more than one.)  It is a pose that, whenever you see it somewhere, you immediately think of that person.  Miss Stephanie Anne Jefferies has a huge movement in full swing with her famed "Heel Tip Grip" pose and she has graciously named me a royal ambassador of the realm.  How honoring that is.  I have a couple of signature, go-to poses such as my "up on the counter" and my "heel on the wall" poses, but I'll write about that later.

When I took this photo (below on the left,) it didn't take me but a second to see how I had to give the honor of this pose to the beautiful, classy, and sensational Amanda Edwards, in what I perceive to be one of her signature poses, because it makes me think of her photos whenever I see it.  I have always loved cross-leg photos and have especially loved the slanted cross-leg pics, which Miss Amanda has perfected.  When I saw my photo I revisited her page for more inspiration, both from her photos and more so from her words.  She is an amazing writer and writes about her experiences from the heart. Anyone reading this would be missing out if they didn't give her a visit.  Thank you Amanda for your inspiration and I truly hope to cross paths with you sometime.

Thank you to all who have helped shape who I am and will continue to shape my future.  Luv you all.

The Good Hurt

I am a part time CD, which means I spend about 1% (give or take) of my life in physical Veronica form.  That is, I only dress up in feminine attire occasionally.  I should add that mentally I spend much more time thinking as Veronica; especially when I'm on my social media sites.  Often I dress in private while other, more rare times, I go all the way with full makeup and go out with friends.  I have gone weeks and months without dressing up even partially.  It's a state of mind and desire that drives my urge to dress.   I won't put a percentage number on that because it varies from day to day.  Any CD will likely relate to my words.

This said, one can probably imagine how much anticipation builds up when a girls night out is planned and approaches.  Follow that with the nervous excitement that steals your beauty sleep the night before as you think about your makeup, your outfit, your shoes and your accessories that all must be perfect for the night out.  After all, we girls are not just dressing for ourselves, we're dressing to get noticed and perhaps even get measured by our t-girl peers.

Every CD has different likes and dislikes regarding how they dress up and present their femme selves.  I have a love of stiletto heels and thus I must wear stilettos as much as possible.  To me, stilettos represent a quintessential feminine presentation.  They create beautiful lines on the calves and thighs. They force a lovely feminine posture and make you sway your hips naturally.  I thank the many YouTube videos on how to walk in heels for my improvement over the years.

The day arrives, finally, and it's time to get dolled up and party.  We check our makeup to ensure it's perfect.  We take lots of photos to see ourselves as others see us because a mirror might deceive our senses. (Thanks Cher, from Clueless.)  We love the euphoric rush as we walk down the sidewalk to the venue and revel at the clicking of our heels on the pavement.  We nearly lose it when a breeze rushes up our skirts and caresses our legs.  We spend our time enjoying the company of friends and making new friends as we walk the venue to see and get seen by others.  The fear we once had of being clocked has long since faded as we realize that we are among friends with similar likes and we no longer worry about being clocked.  We feel wonderful being in an accepting environment.

Personally, I've been growing out of my personal fear and low self-esteem thanks to my great friends Natasha, Jennifer and Bella being like my big sisters in my public experiences in the last couple of years.  Heck, I don't even bother with those incredibly uncomfortable waist-cinchers anymore.  Being in the company of such great friends has helped me to embrace myself both psychologically as well as physically.

Sadly, the night must end and it's time to return to the 99% of my regular life as a husband, father and worker.  However, the euphoria of the night lingers long after and is further extended by two things.  First, the mountain of photos and selfies we take to sort through and post on social media and second "the good hurt."  That is, the two to three days of awkward walking and the pain associated with cramped legs as a result of a 240-lb man wearing sexy 5-inch spike-heeled stilettos for 5+ hours that just had to be part of the ensemble for the night.  After all, it has been said that beauty hurts and that shoes represent the largest part of many female wardrobes.  Who agrees?

A Quest Realized

To my fellow CDs (crossdressers):

Have you ever been out and about in drab and encountered a woman wearing an outfit that was so beautiful and so alluring it mesmerized and you could not concentrate or even function well until you managed to recreate it and try it on yourself?  I'm so glad my wife knows and supports my Veronica activities because it would be impossible to explain to her why I can't stop staring at that other woman.  As you know, most guys staring at a woman is a sexual guy thing while for us gals, we just wanna be that woman and flaunt that outfit ourselves.

This is my interpretation of one such encounter.  The short flowing mini-skirt, the thigh-high stiletto boots that actually respect the curvature of my legs, the pose showing off part of the back side of the boots and a peek of my thighs, deep red lips, and the lovely flowing blouse with the cold shoulder cutouts.  Also, the cuff cut outs on the back of the boots adds another level of sexiness.

Why can't I stop staring at my own photo?