Like it or not, this is MY journey

I posted this rant to social media a while back and thought it would make a good entry to my blog.

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I wonder how many will read this entire post...

I am a crossdresser.  How many of you think you know what that means? 

 

Dictionary.com defines a crossdresser as "a non-transgender person who dresses in clothing typically worn by members of a different sex."  

Merriam-Webster defines crossdressing as "The wearing of clothes designed for the opposite sex."  

Cambridge Dictionary defines a crossdresser as "a person who sometimes wears clothes usually associated with the opposite sex, as a form of self-expression; usually a heterosexual ( not gay) man who sometimes wears women's clothes, make-up, jewelry, etc."  

I am a heterosexual male who is married to an amazing woman who knows and accepts my feminine side.  I have been crossdressing since I was probably 5 years old or even earlier and I am less than a year from being a half-century old as of the date of this writing.  It has taken me much anguish, research and self-discovery to understand, accept and most importantly, embrace who and what I am.  

I have come to also learn that no two crossdressers are alike in their ideals of being a crossdresser.  I did it early on as a fetish for nylons and pantyhose and later heels; that later, thanks to the Internet, evolved into my own form of self-expression and took on a persona I named Toni Richards.  In 2013, Toni had grown as much as she could and came out of her cocoon as Veronica Mendes.  

I crossdress now because it makes me feel good.  It helps me relax and relieve life's stresses.  I go full transformation with full makeup maybe a handful of times per year to enjoy a night out with friends or to snap some nice photos for my online presence.  I dress much more often without bothering with the full makeup and that is also OK with me.  In reality, I rather dislike the hour-long process of applying makeup to hide the man in favor of the woman who is Veronica.  I actually much more enjoy the final product of seeing myself as a pretty woman in the mirror and in photos.  If I could snap my fingers and just appear all made up I'd be in heaven.  That's why I always tell my friends that my ideal super power would be shape-shifting...LOL.    

That same dislike and lack of patience in doing full makeup also sees me often just do a light foundation, lips and maybe some eye makeup, because the wonders of technology have given us the ability to digitally clean up our photos.  

Yes, I am admitting to digitally enhancing some of my photos to varying extents.  I know what some of you are thinking right about now, so save it. Your criticisms won't change will only bea waste of time.  Don't profess to deny that all celebrities have their pictures digitally enhanced for print publications.  I am a man with manly features and blemishes and those are extremely difficult to hide with less than professional makeup skills, so to make me feel even better, the technological world of software development has given us a plethora of choices.  If there was not a huge demand for such actions, why then are there countless applications for computers and mobile apps for such tasks?  The millenials call them filters.

I don't always have the time or inclination to do full makeup when I wish to flaunt a new outfit and take pics, so what is wrong with me taking a picture of myself all made up from a past photo shoot and overlaying it on top of my own picture?  That is not deceiving. I am not professing to be what I am not, it's my own face on my own photo.  If I do have a deceiving photo, I am always upfront about it by hash-tagging it (another millennial term) with my #VirtualVeronica tag.  I do these photos, like many others also do, to satisfy my own "what if..." feelings.  It's my own digital fantasy. What's wrong with that?  Again, it makes me feel good and gives me inspiration and goals to aspire towards.

In my digital travels through cyberspace, I have been witness, and also victim, to many "trans" women who dismiss my efforts and demand that I just be "the real me" in my pics.  Well, let's see about that for a minute, shall we?  Be the "real me," you say?  Well, "the real me" is a 49-year old, slightly overweight Latino, heterosexual male with a wife, two children, one with special needs, a full time job, a second job helping the wife with her home-based business and all the related stresses of everyday life.  Please believe and, try to understand, that I crossdress, and even help out my image, digitally when needed, so that I can be far far away from "the real me."  I wish to be someone else other than "the real me." That is why I crossdress the way I do.

Every crossdresser, transvestite, transgender, gender-fluid, and countless other social labels has their own unique journey and nobody has the right to dismiss, breakdown, insult, criticize or demand they do it differently just because their journey does not align with their own ideals.  That's just shallow, sanctimonious and hypocritical.  You may not agree with somebody's form of expression, but we are all unique individuals and have a right to our own self-expression.

My final point on this rant is for a few others out there, you know who you are.  I am a crossdresser.  Being a crossdresser does not make me a pervert and I am not a crossdresser because I want to be performative.  A pervert is not a pervert because he is a crossdresser.  It is incredibly hypocritical of some to make blanket statement like "all CDs are just sex-crazed perverts" or similar remarks.  Please have some tact and be mindful of your words.

Thank you all for letting me vent.  I'll stop now.  My bitchiness has subsided thanks to writing all this down.  Have a blessed day.  Much love...Vero.