Veronica Mendes

Veronica Mendes
Welcome to my Blog

Monday, June 18, 2018

The Rite of Ascension

I have been recently told, at least a few times, that I am a source of inspiration to some of my FB friends.  (And I was even complimented in person by some whom I, myself, have considered celebrities in my FB circles.) I still consider myself a star-struck fan of many others whom I look up to myself.  That said, it was incredibly flattering and I could not even describe the feeling of getting such a compliment from such beauties.  Being complimented, told I'm beautiful (in person and without any enhancement filters of the web) and even getting adult beverages bought for me tells me I have now ascended to a new level and it feels surreal.

I realize that my sense of style and presentation has evolved over the years.  What started as a secret, and deeply hidden, nylon and shoe fetish has manifested itself as what you see in the person of Veronica Mendes.  How did it happen?  Like many of my fellow t-sisters, I have had my share of idols to which I have looked up to for inspiration, education, knowledge, courage and inner strength.

To name just a few (and I hope they do not take any offense to my naming them as my mentors):
  • Tiffany Michelle Lloyd with her website Tiffany's Tower.  (How I miss the Tower)  
  • The late and great Vicky Renee and her Prettiest of the Pretty (We miss you Vicky.)
  • Dahlia Taylor
  • Nina Allison
  • Kelly Perry

And...My current besties who have all contributed in certain and unique ways to my evolution.
  • Natasha Romanoff  
  • Gina Jett
  • Jennifer Kelly
  • Bella Amri
  • Stephanie Anne Jefferies
  • Sierra Romeo
  • And a special shout out to one who has inspired me (an many others) inside as much as on the outside and whom inspired me to write this blog entry...Miss Amanda Edwards

What makes each person who influences us unique?  What is it that drives us to look up to learn from imitate them?  Is it their fashion style, their incredible smile, their outlook on life as a t-girl, or a signature pose?  Many of us girls would like to claim we have a signature pose (or maybe more than one.)  It is a pose that, whenever you see it somewhere, you immediately think of that person.  Miss Stephanie Anne Jefferies has a huge movement in full swing with her famed "Heel Tip Grip" pose and she has graciously named me a royal ambassador of the realm.  How honoring that is.  I have a couple of signature, go-to poses such as my "up on the counter" and my "heel on the wall" poses, but I'll write about that later.

When I took this photo (below on the left,) it didn't take me but a second to see how I had to give the honor of this pose to the beautiful, classy, and sensational Amanda Edwards, in what I perceive to be one of her signature poses, because it makes me think of her photos whenever I see it.  I have always loved cross-leg photos and have especially loved the slanted cross-leg pics, which Miss Amanda has perfected.  When I saw my photo I revisited her page for more inspiration, both from her photos and more so from her words.  She is an amazing writer and writes about her experiences from the heart. Anyone reading this would be missing out if they didn't give her a visit.  Thank you Amanda for your inspiration and I truly hope to cross paths with you sometime.

Thank you to all who have helped shape who I am and will continue to shape my future.  Luv you all.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

The Good Hurt

I am a part time CD, which means I spend about 1% (give or take) of my life in physical Veronica form.  That is, I only dress up in feminine attire occasionally.  I should add that mentally I spend much more time thinking as Veronica; especially when I'm on my social media sites.  Often I dress in private while other, more rare times, I go all the way with full makeup and go out with friends.  I have gone weeks and months without dressing up even partially.  It's a state of mind and desire that drives my urge to dress.   I won't put a percentage number on that because it varies from day to day.  Any CD will likely relate to my words.

This said, one can probably imagine how much anticipation builds up when a girls night out is planned and approaches.  Follow that with the nervous excitement that steals your beauty sleep the night before as you think about your makeup, your outfit, your shoes and your accessories that all must be perfect for the night out.  After all, we girls are not just dressing for ourselves, we're dressing to get noticed and perhaps even get measured by our t-girl peers.

Every CD has different likes and dislikes regarding how they dress up and present their femme selves.  I have a love of stiletto heels and thus I must wear stilettos as much as possible.  To me, stilettos represent a quintessential feminine presentation.  They create beautiful lines on the calves and thighs. They force a lovely feminine posture and make you sway your hips naturally.  I thank the many YouTube videos on how to walk in heels for my improvement over the years.

The day arrives, finally, and it's time to get dolled up and party.  We check our makeup to ensure it's perfect.  We take lots of photos to see ourselves as others see us because a mirror might deceive our senses. (Thanks Cher, from Clueless.)  We love the euphoric rush as we walk down the sidewalk to the venue and revel at the clicking of our heels on the pavement.  We nearly lose it when a breeze rushes up our skirts and caresses our legs.  We spend our time enjoying the company of friends and making new friends as we walk the venue to see and get seen by others.  The fear we once had of being clocked has long since faded as we realize that we are among friends with similar likes and we no longer worry about being clocked.  We feel wonderful being in an accepting environment.

Personally, I've been growing out of my personal fear and low self-esteem thanks to my great friends Natasha, Jennifer and Bella being like my big sisters in my public experiences in the last couple of years.  Heck, I don't even bother with those incredibly uncomfortable waist-cinchers anymore.  Being in the company of such great friends has helped me to embrace myself both psychologically as well as physically.

Sadly, the night must end and it's time to return to the 99% of my regular life as a husband, father and worker.  However, the euphoria of the night lingers long after and is further extended by two things.  First, the mountain of photos and selfies we take to sort through and post on social media and second "the good hurt."  That is, the two to three days of awkward walking and the pain associated with cramped legs as a result of a 240-lb man wearing sexy 5-inch spike-heeled stilettos for 5+ hours that just had to be part of the ensemble for the night.  After all, it has been said that beauty hurts and that shoes represent the largest part of many female wardrobes.  Who agrees?

A Quest Realized

To my fellow CDs (crossdressers):

Have you ever been out and about in drab and encountered a woman wearing an outfit that was so beautiful and so alluring it mesmerized and you could not concentrate or even function well until you managed to recreate it and try it on yourself?  I'm so glad my wife knows and supports my Veronica activities because it would be impossible to explain to her why I can't stop staring at that other woman.  As you know, most guys staring at a woman is a sexual guy thing while for us gals, we just wanna be that woman and flaunt that outfit ourselves.

This is my interpretation of one such encounter.  The short flowing mini-skirt, the thigh-high stiletto boots that actually respect the curvature of my legs, the pose showing off part of the back side of the boots and a peek of my thighs, deep red lips, and the lovely flowing blouse with the cold shoulder cutouts.  Also, the cuff cut outs on the back of the boots adds another level of sexiness.

Why can't I stop staring at my own photo?

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Who Are You?

That sounds like a loaded question, doesn't it?  However, as a crossdresser, it is important to know, accept and embrace who you are both when dressed and when not.  Your identity acceptance is as unique to you as anything else that defines you.  There is no all-encompassing label that describes "YOU" only generic labels imposed on social groups by society.  Interestingly, those very labels seem to change in meaning as often as we change our heels. 

As a crossdresser...

  • Are you closeted?  
  • Do you have one foot out?  
  • Are you fully out?  
  • Are you somewhere in between?  
  • Did you or have you considered hormones?
  • Did you or have you considered transitioning?
  • Do you or have you felt guilty about your crossdressing?
  • Have you purged your wardrobe in hopes of "curing" your crossdressing?
  • Does your spouse or significant other know about your crossdressing?
  • Do any other friends and family members know about your crossdressing?
  • Do you dress for sexual reasons?
  • Do you dress for emotional or stress release?  
  • Do you have, or have you had, fetishes? 
  • What is the fundamental reason for your desire to dress?  
  • Can you pinpoint what planted the idea of crossdressing in you?  
  • What percentage of your life are you presenting as your feminine self?  
  • Are you happy with that amount?  
  • Can you do it more?  
  • Do you spend your feminine time alone?  
  • Do you socialize or go out as your feminine self?  
  • When you are presenting female, are you mentally a woman?  
  • Do you relate, think and feel as a woman?  
  • Do you maintain some characteristics of your male counterpart?  
  • How much?  
  • If you are a heterosexual male, do you consider intimacies with a male suitor when you are dressed?  
  • Do you like to dress up classy, younger than your age, slutty, provocative, alternative or other styles?  
  • Do you bow to "expectations" of what you should wear? 
  • Are you comfortable wearing what you like and desire?

These are a lot of questions, and believe me, there are plenty more.  But...the answers to these and other personal questions ARE what defines you.  Mine is only a personal opinion, but accepting and embracing myself has given me the clarity of mind to know myself and understand where I stand in this enormous "Trans" Community.

I truly hope everyone can achieve their happiness and real acceptance of "Who you are". 
Have a blessed day and hit me up on Facebook if you would like.


Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Who did I blame...Who should I thank...and the irony of it all.

Veronica Mendes is two and a half years old.  She was born from Toni Richards, who would today be about ten years old.  However, the woman within me is 39, while I am now 44 years young.

The seed from which Veronica sprouted from is over 42 though and was planted by none other than my mother when i was as young as two years old.  She made it known that she really wanted a daughter but got me instead.

That didn't stop her from growing out my hair, as was common in the 70's, and even dressing me in clothing meant for girls as a toddler because she thought I was so cute.  Later, she put me in thick opaque tights under my pants so "I would not be cold" well into my first years in school.  I didn't think anything of it. After all, I was only five years old and she was my loving mom who would not do anything to hurt me, her son.

After kindergarten, the tights and long hair were gone, but the seed had been planted.

Fast forward a decade and a half to a young adult often tormented by guilt resulting from his love of dressing in clothing meant for members of the opposite sex.  I secretly blamed my mom for the psychological effect her actions from my tender years had on me, but dared not tell her, or anybody else, of my identity struggles.

Fast forward another decade or so.  Now the internet is in full swing and truckloads of data is at my fingertips where I come to the realization that I am NOT alone.  My story is quite common within the realm of Crossdressing.

My ultimate acceptance of who I am my embracing of it now had me secretly thanking my mother for planting that seed.  Because of my acceptance of the woman within, I have a better understanding, appreciation and love of my wife, daughters and women than most "regular" men can ever hope to have.  Who knows, I might otherwise have become a macho, controlling wife beater.

Now the irony of it all...

My mother is extremely traditional and, let me admit, old fashioned in her ways and beliefs. She, and my father, have demonstrated unsupportive behavior towards the "unconventional" such as anything related to the trans or LGBT community.  As such they would likely be devastated to find out about Veronica and perhaps disown me. Thus, I still keep this side of me secret from most of my friends and family.  Further irony is how much more explicitly I trust my online sisters with my story and issues, many of whom I've never personally met.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I'm Back!!!

I had all but forgotten about this blog and had not posted since before my evolution into Veronica Mendes.  My last post was written while I was still known as Toni Richards.

Now, my first post as Veronica:


In a cocoon I am

In a state of pronoia
Developing new colours
Evolving my capability
To emerge a different kind
To merge with nature again
© Himanshu Parikh.

As I reminisced on my Birthday, on the 15th of July of 2013, I suddenly felt a new name and new start was in order.  Toni Richards had grown as much as she could grow. It was time to move to the next stage in her evolution. As such, Veronica Mendes was been born. A more mature and wise manifestation of the person who was Toni Richards, but at the same time, with the same love of all things a T-girl should love. 

I'm still the same person, but with a much more broad outlook on likes and fashion, including sexy, yet elegant and age-appropriate wear.  I hope to start anew with both new and old friends alike and hope you will join in my new journey.   

So now, with all the support of this wonderful community, the artist formerly known as Toni Richards has been so happy in  the next phase of her life on Flickr, Facebook, and in the world of T-Girl-ism.  (Yeah, I just made that up)

To you, my friends, both old and new, you all give me strength and inspiration and I hope to continue to admire you and learn from all of you lovelies.

All my love,

Veronica Mendes

Saturday, June 30, 2012

I am NOT confused about my gender identity anymore!!!

What draws us to want to wear clothing of the opposite sex? Now there's the Million-Dollar question!

I could not fathom having sex with another male (Eww), nor could I imagine having a surgery to remove my manhood. I can't imagine not being a husband and lover to my wife and a daddy to my two little princesses.
Yet, after a near 30+ year struggle with my identity and emotions and coming to accept who and what I am, I cannot imagine my life without the possibility of occasionally becoming Toni, either fully or in part.
I owe an incredible thank you to my T-sisters for the knowledge and inspiration I have drawn from their experiences and stories.

Just a few short years ago, "Toni" did not even exist. All I ever did was hide and partially dress up with the constant fear of being caught. Toni now occupies the part of my life that used to be only a cloud of desires, emotions, confusion and fear. I'm purposely omitting thoughts about my inner struggles between my TG issues and my Catholic faith, because that is an entirely different and MUCH larger can of worms.

Thanks to my lovely and understanding wife, my newfound strength, motivation and inspiration have allowed that aforementioned maelstrom to manifest itself and blossom into Toni. 

Toni is the face of my lifelong struggles with gender identity. I have now accepted that Toni is as much a part of me as my own limbs.  Trying to purge Toni from my life may as well be as impossible as discarding my own arms and/or legs.  I have also come to realize that I am not alone. There are others with similar, if not
identical, situations and feelings as my own.