Who did I blame...Who should I thank...and the irony of it all.

Veronica Mendes is two and a half years old.  She was born from Toni Richards, who would today be about ten years old.  However, the woman within me is 39, while I am now 44 years young.

The seed from which Veronica sprouted from is over 42 though and was planted by none other than my mother when i was as young as two years old.  She made it known that she really wanted a daughter but got me instead.

That didn't stop her from growing out my hair, as was common in the 70's, and even dressing me in clothing meant for girls as a toddler because she thought I was so cute.  Later, she put me in thick opaque tights under my pants so "I would not be cold" well into my first years in school.  I didn't think anything of it. After all, I was only five years old and she was my loving mom who would not do anything to hurt me, her son.

After kindergarten, the tights and long hair were gone, but the seed had been planted.

Fast forward a decade and a half to a young adult often tormented by guilt resulting from his love of dressing in clothing meant for members of the opposite sex.  I secretly blamed my mom for the psychological effect her actions from my tender years had on me, but dared not tell her, or anybody else, of my identity struggles.

Fast forward another decade or so.  Now the internet is in full swing and truckloads of data is at my fingertips where I come to the realization that I am NOT alone.  My story is quite common within the realm of Crossdressing.

My ultimate acceptance of who I am my embracing of it now had me secretly thanking my mother for planting that seed.  Because of my acceptance of the woman within, I have a better understanding, appreciation and love of my wife, daughters and women than most "regular" men can ever hope to have.  Who knows, I might otherwise have become a macho, controlling wife beater.

Now the irony of it all...

My mother is extremely traditional and, let me admit, old fashioned in her ways and beliefs. She, and my father, have demonstrated unsupportive behavior towards the "unconventional" such as anything related to the trans or LGBT community.  As such they would likely be devastated to find out about Veronica and perhaps disown me. Thus, I still keep this side of me secret from most of my friends and family.  Further irony is how much more explicitly I trust my online sisters with my story and issues, many of whom I've never personally met.